Play Big Confidence: Thriving With Late-Diagnosed ADHD

I recorded this episode of the Play Big Queen Podcast under the glow of a lunar eclipse,  a Blood Moon in Pisces. And as a Pisces myself, it felt like the perfect cosmic reset: a moment to release old stories and step into something truer, deeper, and more expansive.

That’s the energy I want to bring to this conversation. Because today, we’re diving into a topic close to my heart: what it means to live and thrive  with late-diagnosed ADHD.

For so many women, getting an ADHD diagnosis in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s feels like the sky cracking open. Suddenly, your whole life makes sense... the struggles, the burnout, the self-blame, the invisible effort it took to “keep up.”

But along with the relief often comes grief. And then the question: Now what?

This blog post is your answer.

The Truth About ADHD in Women and Late Diagnosis

For decades, ADHD was misunderstood and underdiagnosed in women. Why? Because the stereotype of ADHD was a hyperactive little boy bouncing off the walls. Meanwhile, girls and women often presented differently: daydreaming, perfectionism, emotional intensity, masking, and internalized shame.

The result?

Generations of women who went undiagnosed... punished by teachers, misunderstood by parents, mislabeled as lazy or scatterbrained, and later, overextended at work and at home while secretly wondering why life felt so much harder.

Research now shows that women are most often diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, especially during life transitions like college, career shifts, parenthood, or perimenopause. Hormonal changes often amplify ADHD symptoms, making it impossible to ignore.

So if you’re here reading this, know this: you are not alone, and you are not late.

The Relief and Grief of a Late ADHD Diagnosis

When I finally got my ADHD diagnosis, I felt two things at once:

• Relief: finally having language to explain why life had always felt harder than it looked for other people.

• Heartbreak: realizing how much of my life had been shaped by not knowing.

This is such a common experience for women diagnosed later in life. There’s grief for the younger you who thought she was lazy, flaky, or incapable. Grief for the years of shame and self-blame. Grief for the missed opportunities and untapped potential.

But here’s the reframe: a diagnosis is not an identity. It’s a tool.

It gives you information. It helps you understand how your brain works. And it allows you to finally build systems of support that work for you instead of forcing yourself into systems designed for someone else.

Why Confidence Feels So Hard With ADHD

Let’s talk confidence.

For many of us, confidence was built on a lie. We were taught to fake it. To mask. To play small in order to be accepted. We were told if we worked harder, looked perfect, or got the gold stars, we’d finally be safe.

The problem?

That kind of confidence is a performance.

It’s exhausting. And it crumbles the moment you slip, forget, or burn out.

True confidence...  the kind that is actually sustainable... doesn’t come from pretending to be neurotypical. It comes from acceptance.

It’s saying: This is my brain. This is my rhythm. This is my way. And I honor it.

From Survival to Thriving

Here’s the truth: confidence is built on self-trust.

But self-trust is impossible if you’re constantly betraying yourself by forcing routines that don’t work, ignoring your body’s signals, or measuring yourself against neurotypical standards.

Thriving begins when you stop fighting yourself.

And for many late-diagnosed ADHD women, that shift means moving from survival (masking, overcompensating, hustling) into thriving (aligning, resting, expressing).

Here are the practices that helped me and the women I coach make that shift.

1. Rituals Over Routines

Rigid checklists never worked for me. They triggered demand avoidance and made me feel like a failure when I couldn’t follow them perfectly.

But rituals? Rituals saved me.

Every morning, I check in with my body. Do I want to write? Dance? Stretch? Meditate? Each day looks different, but the devotion to myself is consistent.

Rituals create space. They honor energy. And they keep you in relationship with yourself, not a rigid system.

2. Honor Your Hyperfocus

For years, I thought my hyperfocus made me weird. I’d drop into hours of deep concentration, forgetting to eat or drink.

Now, I see it as brilliance. Hyperfocus is where I create my best work. The key is to honor it while also remembering to pause for basic needs.

Think of it like sprinting... you go all in, and then you rest. That rhythm is sustainable.

3. Work in Sprints, Not Marathons

Most productivity systems are built on the assumption that you can (and should) perform at the same pace every day. But that’s not how an ADHD nervous system works.

Sprints work better.
You get bursts of energy, creativity, or focus, and then you rest. It's not weakness to have changes in your energy levels, capacity or abilities from day to day. That’s simply wiring.

When you honor it, you burn out less and produce more of what actually matters.

4. Shape Your Environment

Lighting, sound, textures, and scents matter more than people realize.

They’re not “extra.” They are regulation.

For me, warm lighting is non-negotiable. Cool white light drains me. Clutter overwhelms me. My husband and stepson can drop something anywhere and know exactly where it is... I can’t. I need organization to function.

Self-advocacy means shaping your environment unapologetically, even if others don’t understand.

5. Redefine Productivity

For so long, I tied my worth to output. How much I did. How fast I did it.

Now? Productivity means alignment.

It means living in integrity with my values. It means honoring my process, not just finishing the list.

And here’s the truth: nobody can do it like you.

That’s why your style matters more than the system.

6. Celebrate the Small Wins

This one is everything.

Our brains default to scanning for what’s wrong. It’s survival mode. But survival mode will never help you thrive.

Celebrating small wins retrains your brain. It builds evidence that you’re doing well. It creates self-trust.

Whether it’s taking your meds, sending an email, or simply resting when you need it... name it, celebrate it, own it.

Why Thriving With ADHD Is Possible

Here’s what I want you to know:

You don’t need to prove your worth through productivity, perfection, or performance.

You are already brilliant.

Thriving with ADHD isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about honoring your wiring, trusting yourself, and stepping into the fullest version of who you already are.

So ask yourself:

Where am I still forcing myself to be “normal”?

And what would it look like to honor how I actually thrive instead?

That’s where confidence begins.

Listen to the Full Conversation

🎧 Catch the full episode of the Play Big Queen Podcast:
👉 Episode 35: Play Big Confidence: Thriving with Late-Diagnosed ADHD

Available now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube.

And if you’re ready to go deeper, book your Private Coaching Session with me today:
👉 xxxkatebailey.com/private-coaching-sessions

Final Thoughts

A late ADHD diagnosis can feel like a major plot twist in your life story. But it doesn’t have to be the end. It can be the beginning of the chapter where you finally live unapologetically, on your terms.

This is your reminder: you are enough, you have always been enough, and you deserve to thrive.

Keywords

ADHD in women late diagnosis, ADHD diagnosis adulthood, thriving with ADHD, late diagnosed ADHD, ADHD confidence, ADHD self-trust, ADHD productivity tips, ADHD rituals, ADHD empowerment, ADHD podcast women, Play Big Queen Podcast, neurodivergent women confidence, ADHD life coach, Kate Bailey ADHD

#adhdwomen #adhdinwomen #adhdawareness #adhdcommunity #adhdsupport #neurodivergentwomen #adhdconfidence #adhdpodcast #adhdmindset #adhdthriving #adhdproductivity #adhdrituals #playbigqueen