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Introduction to the Play Big Queen Podcast...
Welcome to the Play Big Queen podcast.
This is for the woman ready to lead with power, move with confidence, and own your Play Big self.
For my newly minted or late blooming, neurospicy visionary babes who are waking up to your power and unmasking your brilliance.
For the sovereign leader building success on your own terms.
I am your host, Kate Bailey.
I am the Play Big Queen.
My name is my title and a command for all women, Play Big Queen.
I invite you to claim this title for yourself and coronate your Play Big Self too, so it can serve you.
This is a space for bold embodiment, radical reclamation, unapologetic leadership, and a business that works with your wiring, not against it.
Your voice is meant to be bold and heard and your brilliance is here to be claimed.
You are already powerful.
I am in service of everyone fucking tired of the people pleasing grind.
We go deep, we get real, and we play big.
It's a new era for women on the Play Big path.
Long may we reign.
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Come in, come in, welcome back to all my ride or die listeners who are still here after I basically said I'm not coaching anymore last week. If you are still on this Play Big journey with me, yes, yes, yes, baby, yes, thank you, let's do this. Let's make this massive shift together and go on a Play Big adventure.
I was fired up and last week's episode truly moved something within me. Finally speaking a truth that had been simmering for a long time was the first real step toward bringing desire into form. Putting the dream in the room is one thing, making it real, integrating dreams into reality.
actually living with what arises after you speak that kind of truth is another thing entirely. And today, I want to talk about the moment after declaration, when the body finally realizes and catches up to what the soul has already decided. I want to talk about the hangover that comes with either being or
leveling up or becoming the next version of yourself. Because after I was done recording that podcast episode and after I was done cramming for my finance final and I took my tests for the end of the year at school, I started to like come down from all the big shifts and I really felt it this week. My system felt it and I think a lot of you did too.
Because what is wild is that I didn't know that we were stepping into a super moon when I recorded last week's episode. I mean, I felt myself being really stretched open. I felt my intuition powering up and firing on all cylinders. I felt something dissolving and reforming inside of me. And then with permission, I felt a whole new identity come forward.
And I had friends tell me something similar in their experiences. There was like a massive shedding and re-identifying that happened under this moon. And then I found out that it was a super moon in Gemini and I just sat there thinking like, of course, of course the sky was doing something and astrology was astrology-ing in the way that it does and...
I didn't know about it, Like, of course, supermoon energy was like amplifying identity shifts and that multiple people in my orbit were experiencing something similar. And of course, like my Pisces self who lives in the deep ocean of intuition and identity and soul tides was going through a colossal tidal change. I mean, my fellow Pisces, if you are listening,
You know that we feel the moon like it's a tuning fork, right? When the moon expands, we expand. When the moon exposes what has been hidden, we feel it in our bones before our minds get a chance to catch up. In fact, the moon has so much physical pull in bringing things forward for me that it doesn't just change the tides in the ocean.
It was actually under a full moon that as a brand new young woman, I got my first bleed ever. And this week with the full moon, my body knew. I saw so many people around me, like I said, having these like identity sheddings, these timeline shifts, these relationship upheavals and so many, this is just who I am now moments were like happening all around me.
I don't think astrology controls us, but since I am woo practical, I kind of think of it like money, Like, especially if you're in the coaching scene and people talk about money, you know, there's this concept that money just amplifies who you already are.
that the stronger the presence of money is in your life, the more it just amplifies who we already are. It acts as like a mirror. It reveals what is already there or what is already happening inside. And I feel like the moon is the same way. And this super moon reflected like a collective identity evolution, not just like a shift, like an evolution that was already in motion. And evolution is demanding.
and it can strain the current container that is our body that we reside in. Identity shifts can feel like an exorcism, and this one definitely came with an evolution hangover. And the up-level hangover is real, The, claim something too big for my body and current reality, and now I feel vulnerable and exposed. Hangover is so, so real.
And we don't talk about it enough, especially in the coaching world, like people will mention it, but like people tend to focus on where they want to jump from clarity to manifestation and to the part where you are having, doing and being your next level self without actually talking about or honoring the actual physical, biological, neurological and emotional pieces that come next. So I want to talk about it because
When you declare who you are becoming, your nervous system has to catch up. The body processes your evolution long after your mind says yes. When you speak a truth or a desire that you have been afraid to admit for whatever reason, your brain registers it as a potential threat before it registers it as alignment, That's why you can sometimes feel
tired and you sleep more and maybe your joints ache. If you've ever seen a child go through a growth spurt, they kind of like have some sort of social interaction with their friends or they take a big trip, then they go home and then they sleep and they kind of sleep a little bit longer than usual and the next morning they wake up and they stretch and it almost is like they grow five inches,
And in the process, they might have a couple of meltdowns because their bodies are really stretching. And this is why when we have like an evolution, you can suddenly feel tender or raw or irritable. Like your body is metabolizing your becoming. And that is a scientific thing, right? Scientifically, this is real. And there's actually like a simple explanation for this. Evolution.
takes energy. Growth requires ATP, is adenosine triphosphate. ATP powers almost everything that keeps you alive. It fuels your cells when they rebuild old pathways, construct new ones, regulate hormones, release muscle tension, stabilizes emotion, restores your nervous system and brings your identity into actual
form. When you make a big identity decision, when you set a boundary, claim a desire that once you held close to your chest, or if you allow an up level to fully land in your body, your cells immediately increase their demand for ATP. Your body begins the architectural work
of becoming. More energy goes toward neural rewiring. More energy goes towards hormone communication, towards emotional metabolizing, toward nervous system stabilization. So your biology starts working on the blueprint of your literal becoming. So if you find yourself like
needing more rest, needing more food, quieter environments, like more sleep, more stillness. That is not you falling into a depression hole or being lazy or even being scared. Like that is an actual biological process we go through when we evolve that is the construction phase of the foundation, Like upleveling pulls
on your metabolic resources. And when it does that, it can feel like we are feeling kind of down. We can feel like maybe, like some people experience brain fog and they feel like they just can't get with it. And it's really easy to confuse sometimes the heavy signals from the extra metabolic processing for
an experience that your brain can kind of relate it to, but what it really is, is you are growing. And that's what was happening with me. It was happening while I was wrapping up my finance class. like, I was actually really surprised because I was struggling in the finance class and I wound up getting an A in the class. My final score was an 88.07, but I guess they graded the entire course on a 1 0
2 % scale instead of a 100 % scale. So when I saw the grade, I kind of had to laugh to myself because it was like a real perfect example of the AuD HD high performance loop. And I posted about this on Facebook, but in the process of showing up for our work or even the process of creation, like the AuD HD high performance loop is wild.
you can spend weeks thinking that you're behind, you can convince yourself that you're not doing enough. You could feel like absolutely certain that you are about to flop and then your deadline starts to creep in, for me, it was finals, it was the end of classes. my sense of timing started to like sync up with reality and
my brain started to come online and then suddenly I was like in this class and I was brilliant and unstoppable and crushing the test and doing all the things that I needed to do. And in the process I exceeded every single expectation of myself in the context of this class, Especially this class, cause my professor was self-identified autistic as well. And he had a
PhD, he's really smart when it comes to finance and such a professional resource, but he was content dumping in the course and there was so much extra information that for someone with ADHD, like I did not know what to focus on. There was a lot of extra material that we didn't actually need for the test because he was excited about the information and I think like literally info stimming and then dropping it into the program.
But part of my process during this whole thing was to like not have the neurotypical timing and really let myself operate in my own timing, in my own process. And because, you know, it tends to feel more rushed towards the end and more stressful, like
That whole process of being neurodivergent on a neuro-typical timeline can make me think that I'm not gonna expect that I'm gonna do well, that I'm not gonna pass. when I do, and I do pass, And I don't just pass, but I get an A in the class. The AudHD high-performance loop has us onto the next thing, Within minutes.
I passed the final and within minutes I'm onto figuring out what's next for my next steps in my business and career pivot, Typically we don't celebrate, We don't take a moment to be like, ⁓ I did that. And we just kind of have this like quiet reset to zero and we're onto the next thing. And as neurodivergent people, especially Au DHD people,
we are built to orientate ourselves towards what is next, what is next, what is next, because that's how our brilliance moves us as a society forward, And that is why I celebrate everything. Like my clients were probably so sick of me celebrating all the things, because whether it's small or big or everything in between, I am taking a moment to be present with what I did or what my clients did.
and celebrate that because that's how we kind of interrupt the high performance neurodivergent loop where it's never enough and we don't really feel our achievements and we're kind of stuck in that trauma response where you're onto the next thing, But celebration is resistance and it reclaims the moment that our wiring
tends to rush us past. like interrupts the internal pressure long enough for confidence to take root. And when people look at this cycle and just look at the neurodivergent way of working and processing and just label it as something that's like trauma-based or a trauma response, that is just incredibly ignorant because trauma may be a part of your story, especially if you're neurodivergent, right?
pretty much guarantees that you are going to have a life experience that does have moments of trauma in it, whether it's trauma with a little T or trauma with a big T. But this type of specific cycle and being a high performer and being neurodivergent, this is wiring. It is nonlinear, intuitive.
and the way neurodivergent bodies orientate is just a little bit different, We might be externally energized or stimulated or overstimulated, processing massive amounts of information and sensory input. And internally, in the process, we are navigating more in a day than most people experience in a lifetime. Our work is to stop making our process wrong.
and to learn to have faith in our way of doing things, to learn to have faith in our unique process and be daring enough to take pleasure in it This is the difference between swimming forever in cortisol dripping pressure activations versus settling all the way into our greatness. process and the way we work is one of our superpowers. Again, a lot of coaches will look at
neurodivergent ways of working or these types of patterns of working and call it trauma based and what they don't realize is that you can manage all the stress responses and all the trauma in the world. You can do all the somatic nervous system and EMDR work and trauma work that you can possibly fit into your life. But some neurodivergent bodies are just always going to work this way because this is how we are wired.
And when we work with our process instead of against it, when we are radical enough to accept and trust how we do things, that is when our insecurities become confidence, when stress becomes self-trust, and when pressure can become our peace. Our job is to literally honor the way our system works and to not shame it. And when we really learn to do that,
That is where a lot of neurodivergent people start to click into their brilliance. This is where neurodivergent talent starts to evolve into greatness. There are a lot of things that go into developing brilliance or greatness in a particular industry or field. Sometimes it includes having years of experience, education.
positions in certain companies, repetition, refinement, identity, lineage, timing, courage, right? But when you're neurodivergent, your path rarely looks linear. My career path is the perfect example. I worked in media, I worked in fire and EMS, finance for hedge fund companies. I had a brick and mortar business and then my...
coaching business, now I am working on pivoting into creative direction and fashion. From the outside, a lot of people would see chaos and I see patterns. I see patterns in the way that I work and how I can refine that and pattern recognition is mastery and transformation, reinvention is a skill that you can develop over time.
Having a diverse portfolio of life experiences can be just as much as an asset as having like a diverse financial portfolio, right? What is shifting for me right now is a call toward longevity and sustaining one identity long enough in order for it to deepen. And I feel like what I'm really stepping into now is
a highly edited version of who I am stripped down to like the essential gifts and talents that I have. And part of being able to express that brilliance or that greatness, which I truly believe we all have inside of us, is being able to find a way, even if it's challenging for you, to focus and to play the long game,
A good way to focus is by creating SMART goals, every single class I've ever been in in college, in entrepreneurial masterminds, every entrepreneur workshop talks about SMART goals. SMART goals are goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For a lot of people, SMART goals feel like the
basic, unglamorous, boring thing until they realize how much structure they can give your brilliance and your desires. And it can be a way to contain what you want in reality instead of it feeling like a cage, some structure will give you the pillars that you can build upon and still have a strong foundation.
I've been applying smart goals and the process of that to school. And in the process, a lot of things are sharpening. Like I said, I want to switch my major to a Bachelor of Science in Communication because it really aligns with what I want to do with my master's program and who I'm becoming. And it supports creative director work and building on the gifts that I already have. But
I spoke to somebody in the academic advising department and they said that if I switched my major now, that it would actually extend my degree time significantly because I'm already really deep into my digital audience major and my business minor. And I completed a lot of those specific, highly focused classes. I think I have something like two or three more classes to complete that.
It doesn't make sense to pivot. Like I'm gonna spend another year getting core courses done, but I am going to have to complete this major. And so I'm starting to set goals around, okay, like do I double major? Do I stay longer? Would I really be equipped to go into the master's program I want to go into if I don't specialize in communications, Do I let myself take the scenic route instead of going,
in a straight line to what I want, like my grandfather said, And everything in my body says yes, yes to taking a spring semester off to let myself tend to my health and regulate my hormones and nervous system. And yes to like playing the long game and making sure I acquire the skills that I truly need to pivot. Because some of the things that I really desire and want ⁓
and the things that are taking shape around this identity that I am stepping into that just like feels so much like the core of who I am requires preparation. There are many things you can do in life and transformation and manifestation where you don't have to put blocks in front of yourself to go get what you want. You can just do the thing. And then there are times where it requires you to actually prepare for what you want because
It's one thing to say you want a thing. It's another thing entirely to be ready for it. And no, you don't want to spend your whole life getting ready. But sometimes there are some realistic things that you have to do to be ready to play the game at the level that you want to play it at. So that's what I've been really sitting with in this last week since I've shared like the big news around how I am shifting, what I am stepping into, how I'm changing a business that
I was so sure was my entire life's work and then realized it was like such a necessary part of being able to communicate what I am here to communicate in the world and that it is still a core part of who I am and I will always mentor and coach, but just in a different way. Like I talked about last time doing more top-down coaching than bottom-up coaching. But in the last week, I have been
wrapping up school ties, preparing to take a semester off and then go back in the summer. I have been letting my body go through the process of integration, doing my own work and walking the talk that I talk so much to my clients about, which is owning your process and like really looking at the AuDHD high performance cycle and where can I lean into that?
more deeply, where can I have less shame and take the pressure off and really own my way of doing things as long as it feels good and healthy and sustainable. And just really taking time to think about smart goals and how I can use them to design everything that goes with stepping into who I'm becoming from designing supportive
and nourishing ways to rest and prepare for the journey ahead to designing the actual practical academic milestones that I want to achieve and the industries and networks that I want to break into and making space for joy and pleasure in it all as well. And then I've just been enjoying other parts of the process like
deliberating on the next shoes that I'm prototyping and playing with AI technology to create models and looks that complement the shoes and starting to play with like who exactly the Tarantate woman is and the pillars that I'll be focusing on going forward as I start developing new designs and new products.
But this episode this week was really about sharing the update and the aftermath of what happens when you make a massive declaration about your identity and who you are now and what you're becoming and the transformations you're looking to make. feel like a lot of people do that in the coaching industry and it feels like very performative because it does make more sales when you tell people this is what I'm doing or it generates a
buzz or turn on when you say things like, I'm going to have a million dollar month. And then everybody watches closely because they want to see if you're going to do it or if you're going to fall flat on your face because the internet is flippant like that. Right. But this isn't about making sales. This is my life. This is my life as someone who identifies as autistic and ADHD and has done so much work.
to know myself and learn myself and discover how to actually focus in a world where for the majority of my life, I have not had mentors that thought like me or looked at the world like me or had practical advice for how to navigate my reality and desires in the body that I have. And again, no one does this alone. So I share this with you.
on a podcast episode that anyone in the world could listen to. Because if you are doing big things, if you are making massive changes in any area of your life, whether you are making a career pivot, starting a business, starting a journey where you become a mother or maybe you're partnering up and getting married or maybe you're getting divorced and making a massive change.
process of evolution and transformation has some through lines that are the same for everyone. So if you were one of the people who under this big old super moon made a big decision about your identity and who you are now, and then afterwards in the couple of days that we've been experiencing after this big old moon, you've been feeling tired or tender.
stretched, maybe even wobbly after like naming and claiming this new version of yourself. I want to invite you into the possibility that your body could be going through the process of integration. Your body could be metabolizing your next level, much in the way that our body prepares us to give birth or do a thing that requires a lot of courage.
this time where your body is gathering the resources, physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, that it needs to play big, could feel more like a period of like a quiet humming than a loud declaration. And in that space, it's so important to take exquisite care of yourself, to take a moment, take a beat, take a breath. And like,
Be in conversation with yourself and your body. Let your body know, I heard this desire. I know it's safe for me to grow at my own pace. I know that rest is going to be a big part of this path so I can keep going and I don't burn out before I get to where I wanna go. There can be moments on this journey that are really intense, but remind yourself.
I am becoming slow, certain, inevitable. I am inevitable. And integrating, feeling, noticing, digesting, metabolizing, it's all part of your path to greatness.
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Outro 1
That's it for today, Queen.
Take what lit you up, leave what didn't.
You know what serves.
If you want to stay in this Play Big Queen orbit, get the rituals, resources, and real talk that fuels your Play Big self, go to xxxkatebailey.com, scroll to the bottom, and join this community.
This is where bold women gather. Neurodivergent visionaries, disability warriors, sacred disruptors.
If this episode spoke to you, leave a review on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube.
Leave comments, give me all the stars, share it.
That's how we create change that ripples, and how this podcast gets out to more people who need it.
If you're ready to work together to make your play big self not just a vision, but a reality that you embody, then head to xxxkatebailey.com, go to the work with Kate section, and join in on a program
that feels right for you.
Or tag me on socials and tell me a moment that truly served you from this episode.
Until next time, remember to honor your own timing, value your own unique way.
And most of all, when you come face to face with your boldest desires, trust your brilliance and Play Big Queen.
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Outro 2
Hey, queen, are you still here?
Good.
That means you're not just curious.
You are being called and want more.
I am here for the ones who want more than party trick mindset hacks.
The ones who need nervous system rooted, neurodiverse affirming space held by someone who is trauma trained, so they can rise on their terms.
My work is designed to center folks navigating ADHD, autism, disability, trauma, or mental health challenges and their brilliance all at once.
You do not need to be someone who identifies as neurodivergent or someone who has a disability to benefit from this work.
If you're feeling called, you belong here.
I believe in and support queer and trans rights, Black Lives Matter, sex worker rights, Palestinian, Ukrainian, and global self-liberation, religious autonomy, and dismantling abusive systems.
If that's too much for you, then babe, this isn't your podcast and you know where the unfollow is.
But if that lights a fire within you and you are inspired to learn more, then my Play Big Queen, you are home.
You can also head over to xxxkatebailey.com/about to learn more about me, my company,
qualifications, methodology, values, worldviews, philosophies, and my mission.
My mission is to activate 10,000 women with invisible disabilities to lead, create, speak up, and claim the spaces that they were told to shrink inside.
Because their leadership, your leadership, will change the world.
If you know that's you, declare it.
Put your energetic line in the sand and tell me.
Email me at [email protected] and tell me why this work is so important for you and we can explore opportunities to work together and make your Play Big dreams a reality.
