Introduction to the Play Big Queen Podcast
Welcome to the Play Big Queen podcast.
This is for the woman ready to lead with power, move with confidence, and own your Play Big self.
For my newly minted or late blooming, neurospicy visionary babes who are waking up to your power and unmasking your brilliance.
For the sovereign leader building success on your own terms.
I am your host, Kate Bailey.
I am the Play Big Queen.
My name is my title and a command for all women, Play Big Queen.
I invite you to claim this title for yourself and coronate your Play Big Self too, so it can serve you.
This is a space for bold embodiment, radical reclamation, unapologetic leadership, and a business that works with your wiring, not against it.
Your voice is meant to be bold and heard and your brilliance is here to be claimed.
You are already powerful.
I am in service of everyone fucking tired of the people pleasing grind.
We go deep, we get real, and we play big.
It's a new era for women on the Play Big path.
Long may we reign.
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This episode of the Play Big Queen podcast is being released on Monday, November 3rd, 2025. And this week, a lot of local elections are going on and I want to use this episode to talk about invisible disabilities, voting, dignity, democracy, and the right to exist in public life without shrinking. This episode is for every woman, every person.
whose brain does not fit into the default settings of society, for the ones who move through the world tired of pretending to keep up with systems that were never built for us. And on this subject, I wanna tell you a very personal story, a story about voting, neurodivergence, self-advocacy, and belonging.
And then we're going to talk a little bit about what is working in our voting system, what is not, and how we can create real access, not performative empowerment, but real access, real dignity, and real democracy. So let's get into it. I want to share my experience with invisible disabilities in voting. As a late diagnosed, AuDHD woman at 44 years old, I only started having the language of self-advocacy
since about age 36 and started accessing real accommodations that made a big difference in my world since about age 38. And having this access has changed everything about my sense of belonging in society. And one of the most emotional experiences on this journey was learning that I qualify for a qualified reader at the polls. Under the Help America Vote Act,
and the American Disabilities Act, I am legally eligible to have someone read the ballot to me in private so I can vote with understanding, dignity, and clarity. And when I first learned that, I literally cried. I felt included in the democratic process for the first time. I mean, for all its issues and faults and how messed up the system is, right? Like, I felt like I actually had a voice in that system.
You know, people see me speaking, people see me reading out loud, people see me able to perform verbal and written communication, not just well, but at expert and gifted levels, and they see my communication output abilities, but they do not see the processing work that is happening on the inside.
People do not see the invisible load. They do not see how much effort I am exerting to understand context, meaning, direction, and sequence. Being AuDHD comes with an entire unseen landscape of sensory processing and learning challenges. And for me, reading comprehension is impacted. I can read words out loud with perfect inflection and rhythm, but comprehension
on the other hand requires a different channel in my brain entirely. And when I try to read in order to actually understand what I'm reading, it just does not get through. The words do not land in any kind of context and it's like trying to hold smoke in my hands. I have a deficit in story memory, so I struggle to follow the events, the characters and meaning arcs and stories I cannot track.
Who did what to whom, which explains why I could never tolerate like gossip or long stories about people's family dynamics. And I'm always the last to know like who is mad at who and why my brain just does not store narratives like most people's brains do. And then of course I've shared this so many times before and all my ADHDers can relate. My attention works differently. I have no internal filter with ADHD, the world
arrives at the same volume all at once and it feels like it's just like trying to funnel a tsunami of information and sensory information through a straw. get overwhelmed, sometimes I freeze because I'm not sure like where to start and the advice that I get from some people when they say just focus has never been any kind of help in real life for me. I mean medication for ADHD can help manage this but it doesn't cure it.
I can take medication for the overwhelm medication to like push my body beyond its limits and have more cognitive stamina to figure it out just enough to get by. But pushing my body in that way is still draining and eventually leads to burnouts. It's something I have to take breaks from, you know? I also have visual memory challenges too. I cannot hold on to detailed visual information.
And ironically, this is why I'm incredibly strong at like sleek, modern, luxury style graphic design symbols and brand logos. My brain just like naturally pulls and distills everything down into its essence. And it just lets all the non-essential detail fall away. I also have an auditory processing disorder, specifically audio figure.
ground challenges. So that means I hear every voice, every sound at the same volume. If my husband is trying to talk to me while the TV's on, we have to pause the TV because I actually physically can't hear him. And for a long time, I thought that like I was losing my hearing and I went and got my hearing tested. And it turns out that like my hearing is perfect. My brain just does not filter sound. It takes in all at once.
And honestly, think part of when I try to read some of that is going on too. It's like, I can't filter the way I need to filter. It's like my brain is trying to pull in all the visual data at once and I need text broken up visually every few lines or like my brain can't even find an entry point into the material.
And at school, I qualify for technology that reads directions out loud to me slower and for someone to read instructions to me one-to-one in a quiet place if that tech is not available. So imagine for a moment the voting ballot through the experience of my brain, right? Small text, tiny spacing, walls of language, multiple pages.
my eyes flitting around trying to find an anchor, a line, a path in, it feels like drowning. And the first time that I learned that I could have a qualified reader at the polls, I literally felt like a bunch of relief flood my body. There's like a lot of moments where you finally get access to something, where you have like this rush of relief, but like also
There's like a lot of grief with it and a lot of tears. And it's like, if you've ever cried and just like felt emotional release, that's what it feels like when you finally get access to something, your body just kind of like exhales and like, yeah, there's so much emotion wrapped up in it. And so I like felt a lot of relief, like flood my body. And then what immediately followed was I felt shame for needing help.
And then I felt fear that I would be misunderstood. And then I felt hope that I would finally get access and be included in this process. And when I was voting, the poll worker asked, do you need assistance? And the first time I realized I could utilize assistance, I said, yes. And I watched the judgment.
kind of like roll across her face. Like I really thought about if this was me being insecure or if this was this person's reaction and this was genuinely this person's reaction, She kind of like rolled her eyes like I was being dramatic. Like I'm some privileged, able-bodied white woman just wanting special treatment. And she announced it loudly that I needed assistance. And she kind of announced it like I was a burden and people stared.
and it was humiliating. And then from a busy group of all these poll workers came out like the most patient, empathetic person who sat with me, like I was an actual human being and she asked me like, how can I support you? And I self-advocated and I told her about what my challenge was and what I actually needed her to do. And so she explained the ballot and she read.
it out loud to me and she helped me track each section and she let me breathe and she let me lead with my own pace and if I didn't need her to read something else because I already had the information like she would stop right and so she just like really let me be in my autonomy in that process and I thanked her and then I cried in the voting booth because ⁓
There's just like a mix of emotions when you finally have access to something and you're still like battling the conditioning of ableism that says that you shouldn't need this. Right. ⁓ And I had done my work prior to voting. Like I already researched every candidate. I was prepared and like I really just needed help accessing the text and staying orientated throughout the whole ballot. And what
I think is really challenging for other people to realize is that like my disability and many people's disabilities has nothing to do with intelligence. My disability is about processing and we really need neurodiversity and invisible disability advocacy because your everyday person doesn't actually know the difference between the two, right? And sometimes
that ignorance can lead to shaming or bullying or even being killed, especially if you hold a disability identity along with the identity of another marginalized community. And so I had to do like a lot of work to process, acknowledge and not minimize my lived experience as a person with invisible disabilities because there's a lot of internalized ableism to just like continuously
unpack. is so much work. And that day, when I first exercised my right to vote with my right to accessibility, I felt judged. I felt raw. felt vulnerable. I felt misunderstood. I felt seen. I felt relieved, excluded, and included all in the span of like 30 minutes. It was like such an emotional roller coaster.
And I know if you have an invisible disability, you could probably relate to this experience, right? And every year since that first year of accommodation has been like a little bit different. Every year, like I walk into the polls with more confidence. I ask for what I need. I release any concerns about how other people react to my request for what I need.
I relax into the moment, I connect with people and like I just enjoy my right to vote. My vote counts. My access matters and my brain just works differently and even though it's different, it still belongs in a democracy. Invisible disabilities are real. Our needs are valid. Access
is not a convenience, access is civil right. And if you have an invisible disability and you need assistance to vote, you are not asking for special treatment. You are asking for equity and dignity. We deserve to participate. We deserve to be supported. We deserve to fucking be here. And I am proud of myself for claiming that. And I hope you claim your right to vote and your right to be here in this process too.
And I know it's not always easy to claim your voice or use your voice. They don't exactly make it easy, right? Everyone loves to talk about quote unquote empowering women, empowering voters, and including diverse perspectives until we start talking about actually building systems that support disabled voters. And until it comes time to actually expand access in real and tangible ways.
or until someone who is neurodivergent or someone who has the lived experience of being excluded from the process comes along and points out the inequities and shortcomings of the voting system. And then suddenly the energy changes. Suddenly all that, every vote matters and we love democracy and all that talk about
stereotypical American values where you roll up your sleeves and you're radically responsible and you're a hardworking American who just shuts up and gets to work fixing things. All of a sudden, all of those values disappear. Suddenly, the enthusiasm for quote unquote personal responsibility goes quiet. And in this individualistic culture, the burden of correcting systemic barriers drops right back into the lap of the individual who needs those barriers dropped.
the most, the person who is already carrying the weight, the person who is already doing the emotional labor, the person who just simply wants access, the person who has to spend hours and hours researching candidates across multiple platforms and online websites that aren't audited for accessibility in order to find out where to vote.
to secure childcare, to stand in long lines in cities that already experience inequitable polling access, or to navigate sensory overwhelm and processing barriers. It's theirs alone to navigate. then suddenly, empowerment and democracy is just another American marketing slogan and not an actual practice. And because we just continue to perpetuate a system where only the
powerful and the privileged get to vote with ease and have their voice truly heard, we keep circling in this pattern where disability needs are never actually heard and people don't get real access in the practical sense. It is inclusion without accessibility and that is a performance. It is marketing language. It is not actual
equity, it is not actual inclusion. We say all voices matter and then we design ballots and polling places and voting processes for one kind of brain, for one kind of nervous system and for one kind of body. Democracy is not truly democracy. If only the neurotypical can navigate it. And there are so many different ways, there are so many different ways where we could creatively solve these access problems, but we just don't.
Take for example, like this week, there are local elections in my town. So many people have to do the work of hunting down information on individual candidates and it can take hours or days to get informed when in actuality, it would not be that hard for the state to implement a communication system around this information if it truly valued all voices. It could redesign
the voting systems to actually support our brains and our individual bodies and our individual lived experiences and situations and circumstances instead of assuming we all have endless time, energy and executive function. Like for example, there could totally be a voluntary opt-in box on a voter registration that could allow people to securely receive election reminders
ballot previews, candidate information links, polling info, and accessibility options by email or text without their information ever being shared or sold or used for political persuasion. Just clear, factual, access-centered support. could respect privacy, autonomy, and disability rights.
while making democracy easier to navigate for overwhelmed voters or neurodivergent voters, disabled voters, caregivers, working women, single moms, anyone juggling life. And if the state or the people that run it aren't looking at these systems and wanting to improve them, then you have to ask yourself, where is the distribution of power? Who really gets to be in power and is empowerment
for voices and community and voters, just a slogan? Because if it has systems that help people participate with dignity, then that's actual empowerment and inclusion of all voices. And this is just one idea. There could be so many beautiful ideas when just like a communication budget is put together and prioritized and they put people on this.
task of like making voting more accessible, right? I mean, there are some things that are working right now. So like right now, there are ADA protections that exist. There's the Help America Vote Act. Some poll workers are literally angels on earth. Accessible machines do exist in many areas, and you can, by law, receive support.
And we get to acknowledge that and we get to honor that progress and we get to honor all the people helping that. But what is not working is inconsistent poll worker training, judgment and misunderstanding, sensory overwhelm at polling places, ballots that are designed without accessibility in mind, or like even just information on the candidates and how that's disseminated.
It's just not designed with any type of inclusion or accessibility in mind. What is also really not working is how we have reliance on a system where disabled people must self-advocate continuously and flawlessly. There is no national standard for invisible disability support. There's no standardized practices for that. Privacy violations when announcing.
someone needs help in the middle of a polling place, that should be like something that falls under a process like HIPAA. Like you should not be able to shout someone's status or accessibility needs across a public place without consent. Access should not require courage. Access should not require extra emotional labor and it definitely should not require disclosure of private information and humiliation.
I mean, there are some things that can help us do better. We can train poll workers in neurodiversity and ADA protocols. We can create sensory-friendly voting hours. We can provide accommodation rooms everywhere. This is not a hard thing to set up. We can design ballots with visual accessibility and cognitive support and proactively offer accommodations instead of just waiting for someone to ask. I mean, that would be so cool.
if you could get an email that is attached to your voter registration that is private. And when they send you that email, not only do you get information about the upcoming polls and the candidates that are going to be in the running, but maybe you get some like proactive accommodations selection that you could make ahead of time. like they see on your card that this is something that you need and like,
Betty Sue Lynn doesn't need to shout it across the fucking polling place, you know? Instead of being okay with the fact that it's been normalized, that people just shout your private medical information across a public crowded polling place, instead, we should work towards normalizing invisible disabilities publicly, loudly, and culturally.
And something that's really important to remember is when we increase accessibility and inclusion for people with invisible disabilities, with disabilities and neurodivergence, these disability affirming actions are helpful for everyone. We start to make space for people who have lived experiences that create barriers to voting or
access or inclusion, right? Like single mothers who don't have a lot of time or people who have different capacity levels who can't necessarily spend hours searching for a candidate to make sure they're making an informed decision. mean, neurodiverse and disability affirming accessible and inclusive measures benefits
everyone because you have to make space for more people to voice what they need in order to be included. If you are listening and you recognize yourself in this, I want you to know that your brain belongs in democracy. Your needs are not inconveniences. Your access is not special treatment. It's equal treatment and you deserve participation without apologizing for it.
Put your hand on your heart for a moment. You belong here. You matter here and your voice counts with or without support. Having to get support for something that might be so straightforward and streamlined for everybody else within this system does not mean that you have a weakness. Support.
is sovereignty. I really want to thank you for listening and thank you for being here and thank you for claiming your voice and yourself in spaces where it might not be easy to do so. But keep showing up, keep making your voice known, keep getting visible because the more people see us, the more they'll have to include us, the more they'll have to give us access.
And speaking of inclusion, if you haven't heard already, I've launched a new program that I don't even think of as program. It's a community. It's called Walk and Talk Wednesdays. And every Wednesday at 12 p.m. Mountain Time, 2 p.m. Eastern, we meet for one hour and we walk and talk. And you don't even need to be able to walk or want to walk or have capacity to walk. It's more about
moving energy than it is necessarily moving your feet. I don't think I could overstate enough just how important it is to develop community at this time in history in particular. We are most disenfranchised, we are most excluded, we are most under the weight of oppressive systems when we are disconnected from community.
And we get disconnected from community for so many reasons, right? We're so widely dispersed in the US. Now more than ever, people are incredibly distracted, worn down, tired, might not have capacity for connection. You might let things like people pleasing or perfectionism get in the way of connecting, but it's absolutely undeniable how important community and connection
is at this point in history and in our lives as women. If you've never experienced one of my communities before, the cool part about it is you get to exercise choice and voice and come as you are. That means camera on or camera off. You don't have to worry about speaking perfectly. We honor different communication abilities and neurodivergent brains in all of our spaces. And you get to come for
Coaching you get to come just to be in community or be seen or witnessed or just to listen in on other women in community Walk and talk Wednesdays is really about small steps to big goals It's about the power of showing up consistently over time and it's about the untapped resource That is a network of women who all value community My spaces are always pressure-free spaces
Come, join us, participate, you so belong. And with the holiday season coming up and everything that's going on in the world, you do not have to do this alone. Through the good times and bad and everything in between, you get to do it in community with like-minded women who truly cheer you on and want to support you and see you thrive.
Join us for Walk and Talk Wednesdays. I'm going to put the link in the show notes if you have any questions. As always, I am a real-ass human being over here. You can just send me an email at info @ playbigqueen.com and ask me anything you want to ask me about the program because I would love to connect with you in community.
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Outro 1
That's it for today, Queen.
Take what lit you up, leave what didn't.
You know what serves.
If you want to stay in this Play Big Queen orbit, get the rituals, resources, and real talk that fuels your Play Big self, go to xxxkatebailey.com, scroll to the bottom, and join this community.
This is where bold women gather. Neurodivergent visionaries, disability warriors, sacred disruptors.
If this episode spoke to you, leave a review on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube.
Leave comments, give me all the stars, share it.
That's how we create change that ripples, and how this podcast gets out to more people who need it.
If you're ready to work together to make your play big self not just a vision, but a reality that you embody, then head to xxxkatebailey.com, go to the work with Kate section, and join in on a program
that feels right for you.
Or tag me on socials and tell me a moment that truly served you from this episode.
Until next time, remember to honor your own timing, value your own unique way.
And most of all, when you come face to face with your boldest desires, trust your brilliance and Play Big Queen.
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Outro 2
Hey, queen, are you still here?
Good.
That means you're not just curious.
You are being called and want more.
I am here for the ones who want more than party trick mindset hacks.
The ones who need nervous system rooted, neurodiverse affirming space held by someone who is trauma trained, so they can rise on their terms.
My work is designed to center folks navigating ADHD, autism, disability, trauma, or mental health challenges and their brilliance all at once.
You do not need to be someone who identifies as neurodivergent or someone who has a disability to benefit from this work.
If you're feeling called, you belong here.
I believe in and support queer and trans rights, Black Lives Matter, sex worker rights, Palestinian, Ukrainian, and global self-liberation, religious autonomy, and dismantling abusive systems.
If that's too much for you, then babe, this isn't your podcast and you know where the unfollow is.
But if that lights a fire within you and you are inspired to learn more, then my Play Big Queen, you are home.
You can also head over to xxxkatebailey.com/about to learn more about me, my company,
qualifications, methodology, values, worldviews, philosophies, and my mission.
My mission is to activate 10,000 women with invisible disabilities to lead, create, speak up, and claim the spaces that they were told to shrink inside.
Because their leadership, your leadership, will change the world.
If you know that's you, declare it.
Put your energetic line in the sand and tell me.
Email me at [email protected] and tell me why this work is so important for you and we can explore opportunities to work together and make your Play Big dreams a reality.
